Perspective

Gladney Center for Adoption, our agency, has a Facebook page that for obvious reasons I have "liked". They're incredibly active about posting updates and congratulations and I love staying connected online. Today a small post was made congratulating Gladney's first ever couple to adopt from the country of Honduras through the agency.

A side note about agencies and international adoption: Not every agency goes to every country for adoptions.  I don't know the logistics of how they get approvals or the details of making that happen but that's just the case.

Five years ago (or maybe six) we sat in a Gladney international orientation session to learn about the different countries they worked with. I remember at the time being surprised that they did not go to Korea (as one of my friends is adopted from there) but there was a good choice of countries to consider, each with their own criteria. For instance, we automatically did not qualify for China due to age restrictions. But most of the others we did qualify should we choose those programs. 

As the orientation was drawing to a close we knew we would need to discuss more at home about whether this was the route we would take and what country. In passing, the husband had even mentioned that nothing was really standing out to him but that didn't mean we would stop there. There was a time for Q&A at the end and while I normally don't ask questions - usually because I have none - I actually had a thought and raised my hand to ask what became a game-changing question. Was Gladney going to be opening up other countries?

I nearly fell out of my chair when she said they were looking for a family to be their pioneer family to adopt from Honduras.

Let me explain. The country of Honduras was a blip on the South American map until I went off to live in Florida for a year during my college years. Two of my very best friends while there were a brother and sister from Honduras. Fast forward a couple of years, Honduras was becoming a hub for spiritual revival. My parents became very involved in missions and ministry down to Tegucigalpa and other cities visiting once or more a year and still to this day. Though I have never been, Honduras has made an impact on my family and our community of friends.

You can imagine our reaction when the word "Honduras" was spoken into that room. It's like God was waving a huge banner in our face saying "Yes! Yes! Yes!" And that was it. We knew without needing to discuss anything further together that here was our country; here was our agency. It was such a welcome confirmation!

But your boys weren't adopted from Honduras...some of you are probably wondering. No, they weren't. The journey into a new country was not promised to be an easy one since there was no precedence set on all the paperwork and process of working with the in-country lawyers and courts. We actually had our dossier (all the required documents to be sent to the country) completed but we hit a snag when the country came back asking for more docs that we really couldn't provide at the time. Plus, to be honest, procrastination got the best of us. Eventually we knew we weren't going to be able to fulfill the requirements in a timely manner so we put everything on pause. A few months later we switched to Gladney's domestic program and the rest is history.

During our time in the Honduras program, we had been told that we were the prospective pioneer couple for the country but eventually another family joined the program. Not that we felt it was a race or anything but it was cool knowing that of all the families with Gladney we were on a very unknown journey.

Today when Gladney posted congrats to their very first family adopting into Honduras I didn't have mixed emotions whatsoever. In fact I immediately gave God thanks for my boys. While I am beyond excited for this family, it put our own family story into perspective. Assuming this is the same couple that started in the program with us, we would have waited 5-6 years for our adoption. We never would have met Noah and we certainly would never have met Aaron. 

At the beginning maybe we thought that God was only calling us to Honduras but in fact, it was our connection with Honduras that led us to choose our agency and therefore leading us to our boys.

Aaron's Big Day

Every day is a gift from God. Even the mundane, can't-wait-until-bedtime days when life feels repetitive and all-around, not very special. Sometimes it takes a significant event to remind me of just that.

Friday morning (last week), I stood in the shower mentally prepping myself for the day's events - Aaron's finalization day. Amazing to think that only 14 months ago we stood in the same courthouse to legalize Noah's adoption and now here we were preparing to do the same with Aaron. Not only was it Aaron's special day, but it was the Lord's. I felt God showing me as clear as day that this day had been orchestrated from the beginning. The beginning of our marriage, from the day I was born, to when the world was formed. God knew that Aaron would be gifted to us and that on Friday, August 16th he would officially become a part of our family. How could we not take this day to honor Him?!

The road to becoming a sudden mom of two boys has not been easy but now that we're here at this step in our lives, it feels like I'm seeing the future years together as a family opening up. All the dreams and desires and plans I/we had for a family are coming to fruition. During our New Mexico trip I even mentioned it to the husband that I couldn't believe we were on a road trip with our boys - OUR BOYS! - safely strapped and sleeping in the back. For years I had imagined what it would be like to be in that moment with my husband and our children. I felt like I needed to pinch myself.

So the day finally arrived last week for Aaron's adoption to be finalized and legal. Same courthouse, same waiting room, same courtroom, same lawyer. I remember with Noah how anxious and nervous I was, mostly regarding the unknown of how the day would proceed. My hands even shook as we were sworn in. This time around felt more like a homecoming or a reunion of sorts. We knew how it would be. We weren't shy about taking a hundred photos or the kids being loud in the waiting area. It really felt like a celebration!

Thankfully there were only six adoptions that day and we were the fourth family called. Both sets of grandparents and my brother with his whole family attended and stood before the judge. (We had hoped for Noah's judge but that ended up not being the case.) It was all said and done within minutes and we were on to lunch! All the kids were able to choose a special stuffed animal to take home to commemorate the day. I was told later that my nephews had so much fun they were asking when we could do it all again. Uh....not anytime soon! Haha!

We were also blessed that our caseworker was able to attend since she had missed Noah's finalization due to work. I know she jokes about how we're probably not going to want to answer any more of her phone calls this year (since she called us on Noah's 1st birthday to tell us about Aaron). Who knows what's in store but I think a break is in order.

To round out the weekend, in true fashion, we threw Aaron his adoption pool party the following day with family and plenty of friends. The star of the party spent most of it sitting in random people's laps and just soaking in all the craziness that he'll learn to be a part of some day.

Now, a week later, we're back to normalcy. No more weddings or adoptions...just a few papers and letters to finish up over the next several months. Easy stuff.

I am so thankful to God for my boys. Even now, Aaron is sleeping in my arms as I write this on my phone and I know the time will go by fast when he's not a baby anymore and he'll be mobile and trying to keep up with his big brother. We'll have different challenges by then so until that time, I'll take all the smuggling I can get.

At the courthouse

Brother kisses!

The whole crew with the judge

Aaron and his gorilla

Getting ready for a pool party!

Adoptive Parent Panel

My biggest fear when we began to pursue adoption had more to do with what I had been taught to perceive rather than what was in fact truth. I was scared to death of meeting and having a relationship with a birth mom.

So many publicized stories of adoptions gone bad - fiction and nonfiction alike - have a lot to do with conflict from the birth parents. At least from what I have seen or heard. So it was no wonder that going into this whole adoption process at the start I was more than happy to adopt an international child. And we did start there but after two years of a mix of our own procrastination and barriers cropping up from the country, we made the decision to switch to domestic adoption.

So there I sat, January 2011, in our all-day orientation at Gladney, with my fears wrapped around my head and my heart and begging God to show me something that could make this alright. I didn't want my fear of encountering a birth mom stop us from having children.

At each orientation Gladney invites a couple of birth moms to join the sessions for Q&A with the prospective adoptive parents. They mostly discuss why they want to create an adoption plan for their unborn child. What they personally want in regards to a relationship with their adoptive parents or with their child after birth, etc. Every answer is different.

On the other side of the spectrum, a panel of adoptive parents are invited to share with the group as well. When we sat in the room an adoptive mom came with her two daughters about 4-5 years apart, both from different birth moms. As I listened, the one thing I began to focus on was what she shared about her relationships with her birth moms. It was the only information that was being filtered through to my brain. Somehow through this woman's story, my fears of the "unforeseen birth mom" gave way to a passion for these women and I was finally able to break through all these jumbled and muddied thoughts and begin to fully accept the most human part of the adoption process - a mother's most sacred and greatest gift in the form of her own flesh and blood.

Since that day and since the adoption of both our boys, I always secretly thought that I would love to be a part of Gladney's orientation some day. If not for just being able to share our story but in hopes that maybe our journey might inspire another adoptive parent or help to alleviate some of their fears. Well our opportunity actually came today!

A few days ago our caseworker called and asked me the very thing I had placed on my heart as of late - would we be interested in coming in to do the adoptive parent panel? Hello, yes! I was so thankful the hubby was open to doing it as well. Plus it would count as one of our post-placement visit requirements with Aaron.

We packed up the kiddos this afternoon and a few minutes after arriving at Gladney we were ushered into Mabee Hall to sit at the front for our own Q&A. A Gladney employee walked us through some questions to help share our story starting with how we heard about Gladney through to completing our profile, the waiting period, "the call" and adopting Noah and then Aaron. Afterward they opened it up for questions and we got to answer a few from the prospective adoptive parents.

The "interview" went by quickly and I barely remember some of the things we said and mostly remember what I wish I had said but I think that's how it usually plays out for people. Noah was definitely a big hit in the room. Within the first 2 minutes Noah had bashed his head on the table and cried for a bit until our caseworker brought him a strawberry. Once he was ready to run around I warned the ladies in the room to take care of their purses - Noah is a sneaky purse item thief. He acted just like a 14-month old should and nobody was bothered one bit. I think they were grateful for the entertainment! Haha!

I could have stayed and talked for hours! (Much longer than our 15-20 minute session) I wanted to be able to hug each woman in the room and tell them anything they wanted to know and to give them hope and encouragement. What's more important is I hope that in some way we were able to touch just one person with the sort of influence that I had experienced during our orientation two years ago. Just before our session I took a moment to pray and ask God for that very thing even though I understand it's improbable that we'll never know. It's in God's hands just as we were and have been.

I'm so thankful for today's experience! It shows us how far we've come and that we will never be alone in this adoption process.