March 15, 2012

Keeping My Legacy

This past Wednesday, my grandfather suffered a heart attack and was simultaneously diagnosed with pneumonia. The shocking part is, my grandpa has not had any indications of his deteriorating health - none. The heath issues have always belonged to my grandmother. They have both led long, healthy lives; now in their late 80s.After examining him the doctors discovered that his heart is in much worse condition than imagined and he is being scheduled for 3-4 bypass surgeries.

With this one incident it's like Pandora's Box has been opened. There is so much going on with my grandparents that I'm choosing to keep private regarding this blog, but it's apparent that things will never be as they once were. My mom sees it and I see it.

I took yesterday's Grandma Wednesday as an opportunity to drive out and see my grandpa in the hospital. Still no word on when the surgery will be, plus there's talk of moving him to a different facility. It was important to my dad that the family visit before the surgery since life is never certain - especially at my grandfather's age - and I have to agree.

Several months ago I made the same drive to the same hospital to see my grandmother. It was the first time I had seen her without all her pretenses: makeup, clothing, hair, etc. My whole life my grandmother was put together perfectly. I never saw her without all the glitz and glam. As a young girl, I resented it because I felt she expected the same of me but my tomboyish ways didn't exactly coexist well with her ideals (thankfully I grew out of that). But as I saw her in the hospital as she was - frail, tired, old - it's as if life just fast forwarded and I know I'm seeing what may be some of my grandparent's final days.

The same feeling overpowered me after I left seeing my grandfather in that same state in the hospital yesterday. In my memory he has always been the patriarch of our family; a graceful, gentle and peaceful man. The smartest man I know. I see him in my brother, physically and in demeanor, and although I look more like my dad's side of the family, I can only hope that someone might see traces of my grandfather in me. My mom and my Aunt call him "daddy" even to this day and to me that moniker has always made me picture my grandpa as someone who will always be big enough to curl up to on his lap and lean on.

See, I don't just love my grandfather because of who he his, but selfishly because of what he has given us. He gave us our son - without him we would not have NJ. Because of his years of diligence and perseverance starting from when he was young, we have been blessed in such a way that made Noah's adoption possible. We are forever indebted to him and to imagine a world without him was never a factor in my mind.

I can only hope to be half the person that my grandfather is. He loves the Lord, his wife and his family like no man I know. I refuse to squander the blessings that he has gifted us but most of all I will always be indebted to him for his gift of life to us that he unknowingly set in motion years before I was born.

My grandfather and I at my wedding (2005)

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